Eloooz everyone, haiz..... been a long month..... i even didn't update dis ting for more den one month also..... Anywayz, in d month, i tink i've some sort of changed...... I am like, not say changed alot, and not say changed abit...... Itz a change dat i've never experienced..... haiz....... watz d feeling from happy to sad...... now i feel d negative feeling in me, d more i make pple happy, d more negative energy i am getting, and get ignored by pple around me also is quite making me sad.... I mean, watz up with u all.... am i starting to get invisible, and also, i notice not many pple even remember my bday.... for dis whole time i am like wat? i puppet with no feelings trying to make pple happy and all, and u all guess i wld be happy alone.... juz alone with myself..... now i am like tinking abt alot of tings, wy was i enrolled in NASS, wy wasn't i put in an other school, wy did i became so "stupid" as to make others happy and make myself miserable for the sake of others.... I noe it felt good being happy and all, but den, wen itz ur time 2 be sad, wy does d world start 2 fall upside down and keep pressing on u..... Being sad and miserable is a stage in one's life where dey really feeling commiting suicide and all dose stuff.... I mean, yar i noe d meaning of life and how precious life is, but only juz by sadness alone can make sumone not tink about how meaningful life is and wants to end it as soon as possible so as not to face other problems...... Yar i noe, others may tell u, or shld i say remind u dat life is important and shld treasure every moment, but like i said b4, wen sadness kicks in, ur life u dun care anymore, u juz wanna look for a shortcut 2 end ur life and finish it once for all.....

OK, so here's my story, u noe dat wen u trust sumone, u wld open up and be very interested to sumone's problems and wld give a listening ear or try 2 help d person by cheering the person up or just by giving advices..... well, for me, I trust this sumone, but dat sumone has abt 50% or less(dropping) trust with me..... and datz like, for me, i am really very dissapointed cuz wen u give sumone ur full trust, u will expect 2 get d same..... But unluckily for me, dat person whom i trust fully, have a 50/50 view of my trust...... D person even keeps secrets in front of me.... and itz like, it defies the meaning of trust totally, watz d meaning of trust wen u keep having secrets? I mean..... Summore we r very close, and i start 2 tink of our future, or most of d time, MY future..... Shld we depart, or shld we stay, or shld dis secret ting juz add up till it makes a big "BOOM!" and suddenly i come to a shock and get a heart attack...... Or maybe dis secret juz collects and collects even more, and wen itz out, i'll juz be left alone again as i am usually am, d fiq i once was, d lonely fiq.... having noting but myself.... Hey wait! I am starting to get lonely by d minute, hour, days, months..... By saying all dis, i am oleady alone, I mean, cumon, wat do i have, i am juz dis guy hu oves studying science(chemistry) and my juniors are like sumsort of bullying me oleady..... If i am very famous den itz ok, but i am not, I am not famous and will never be cuz i am juz dis guy hu juz makes pple happy and datz it, i can't even maintain a good conversation..... Wy do i get stuck in a conversation and wen everyones waiting for me to tok and i have noting to say? Wy can't i have a smootuh flowing conversation whereby wen itz my turn to speak, i have loads of tings to tok abt? Itz not dat i can't talk, hello, i noe how 2 speak english.... And another factor, in my school, as usual, there are over a majority of chinese....but onli a handful of malays...... and i have been making notes on wen a chinese and a chinese meet, ok, make dis a senario, There are 2 chinese students and a malay student, without fail, even in front of the malay, the two chinese will talk in chinese...... I am not saying dis cuz of by theory it will happend, i am saying dis cuz i am experienced dis alot of countless times, but i juz let it go all d time.... Wat is dis? calling it favouring d minority groups? den like dat mite as well different races join different specific race schools rite? dey can speak in their own language for all dey noe, everyone wld understand.....

Anywayz, enough of all dis racist tings, for me now in band.... I am d onli person in my section, i am alone, never have i felt so sad, everyones leaving me! haiz..... wat will happend next, i will nv noe..... is my fate going to change or am i still going d same direction....................