Dear Bloggie...

Yea, I'm back again, I guess...
I was just thinking...
About how sad my band life is...
I've always thought my band life was one happy one...
But looking back another time, I realise its quite pathetic...
Yea I had fun, yea I made friends and loved my instrument...

But why does it always have to be me...
Why do I have to miss all the fun stuff?
I didn't open my big mouth then...
Why?
Cause I didn't know I could be so commited...
But now that I feel that I'm more commited...
I start to question the higher athority then...
Maybe you can ask me why I'm saying all this...
Maybe you can call me an idiot...
But I've silenced myself for too long...

The thing is...
The moment I joined band...
I knew I wanted to do something big...
BE SOMEBODY.
But I waited...
Fair enough, in sec 3 I became the QM...
Stock checking stuff and making sure everyone gets what they needed and all...
You can say I was satisfied...
But I knew I was capable of something bigger...
Then in sec 4...
My body was so prepared for the big one...
Only to be disappointed...
For getting advisor...
I mean, come on...
ADVISOR?
What's the use of an advisor when he's trained as a QM?
I was sad, who wouldn't...
Imagine you really wanted something and just get ignored...
The word for it is PATHETIC...

Why am I so angry?
Cause as an advisor, it was an insignificant post...
One where you're never important...
One where you're not needed most of the time...
again I ask...WHY?
Cause the teachers are the advisors...
I mean like COME ON...
Student Advisors???
The trend I see these days...
Those who are advisors are as good as those normal members...

And I was told...
Of a PATHETIC reason...
Why I was the advisor...
Cause I had N levels that year...
It's not like I'm FLUNKING MY SUBJECTS RIGHT?!
I'm always above average in everything, either that or better...
I can still remember taking the N level papers and laughing infront of it...
Call me crazy, but it was easy as pie...
And the people UP THERE that time wasn't much commited now...
Maybe it's just some tradition that they just lose interest just like that...
But still, I don't see them around, not even once...

All their TRAINING of being what they are...
JUST WENT TO WASTE...
You know how painful that is to me?
The suffering of knowing that it could be you going through those training...
To improve on yourself...
For the leadership skills that you could have gained through it...
and NO, it HAD TO BE THEM...
It's time people start looking LONG TERM...
So what if they can lead the band now...
Or even while they have that post...
It's about what they can give you when they have graduated...

The only person I look up to...
Though I don't usually say it...
Is Ng Geck Woon...
She's the one with leadership skills beyond that of any humans I know of...
And I still see her around...
Looking at the band...
Helping out in some ways or another...
THAT is called commitment...
Fair enough, you can say that I can't expect everyone to be like her...
Everyone has got their own commitments...
True...
But like I said, it's FREAKING PAINFUL to just see those leaders who just disappear...
Call me selfish, I don't care...
Hate me and think that I'm the worst person on earth...
I've never said anything cause I was afraid...
Afraid that people might think I'm not logical...
That I'm asking for too much...
SO WHAT if I'm asking for too much?
Is asking for commitment too much?
IZZIT?!

I've just been silent...
Screaming inside me...
Do you know how it feels...
When people ask you..
If you've gone to NCO camp or not...
If you're trained...
If you're good enough to be a leader...
If you've got the commitment...
And you tell them you didn't go for the camp...
And they just don't care about you just cause of that...
And it's not their fault you see...
There's no point pointing fingers here and there too...
Cause what's done is done...
Now I can only busk in my ignorance and scream deep within...
No one will know how I feel...
It hurts...

It really hurts...

When you see that opportunity...
You want that chance to much...
But it goes to someone else who doesn't make use of it at all...
It hurts alot...

When you know you can do something but you're not able to...
It hurts...

But...

That's all in the past now...

And I'm back...

The Advisor is back...

I'm not gonna let my past haunt me from this day forward...

I have confidence in the current commitee...
I have no questions of their authority and leadership skills...
I have no regrets whatsoever that they are what they are...
I am sure, these bunch of people will bring up the band...
And also, most importantly...

I have no doubt about the commitment...
For commitment there's a new name...
It's NASBAND...

With hearts that beat as one,
And music flows through our soul!

We are NASBAND!

*I love NASBAND to bits!*

Zupz Zupz!