Dear Bloggie....

Itz a Sunday afternoon/evening....
And I'm stuck here, at home, bored.....
This boredom is killing me to my bones....
But what can I say... All part of being alone these days....

I'm asking myself why am I online when I shouldn't be....
A question which kinda contradicts my well-being...
But hey, no harm done to anyone except me, so who cares?
Anywayz... I'm just dragging people in MSN to play games with me...
Well, if I don't, might as well just rot and die right?
And so I've dragged a couple of victims to play with me....
Unfortunately, due to my lack of knowledge of the games...
I lost clearly to an opponent with much skills....
I'm not accustomed to fail and lose with no rematch...
For I vow a day would come where people will fear my name...
But there is still much to be done before I actually hit that target....
This seem to be an unopportune time to strike...
But doubt me not, I shall come back with a vengeance...
All I need now is a vantage point, to see clearly of my areas...
When everything's clear from my path, nothing can stop me....

The greatest enemy of myself is none other than my own self....
My laziness is inevitable and pathetic.....
I grow weaker as I draw nearer to my bed.....
Like an ant attracted to sugar....
I fall into a big trap unkowingly, throwing excuses....
How could I have managed to survive all this time..?
When I even have no mood to do anything....
The holidays are here, much to my delight or sorrow....
Everything solely will depend on this holiday...
If I'm able to spend the time wisely, I'm able to actually get out of misery...
But if I don't.... Misery is my name, and dead is what I'm going to be...
Tommorow is my malay paper, O levels....
I'm feeling the adrenaline rush through my blood....
But still I manage to stay calm... Heart pumping softly...faintly....
The only thing that can drive my heart on hyperdrive would be love....
Love is the key, nothing else could satisfy these desires....
But I don't have a partner, well, I used to have one....
But she's gone for another....
And so I'm alone... I aint complaining....
I kinda like it being alone... Less noise....
And definately lesser problems.....
But I'm a person who's attracted to problems....
And people don't trust me of handling their problems anymore....
Have I been a nuisance to anyone of you...?
If I have, I sincerely apologise.... I tried my best....
If my best was not the best for you, than your decision to leave can never be blamed...
I'm in the wrong for letting you go.... For letting myself burst...
But time will fly... Wounds will heal... I will still be alive....
But those memories, which I bet you've wickedly forgotten, are hurting me as I speak....
I know I don't mean anything more than a pile of crap to you now....
Well, I guess I just want it to keep it that way for the moment...
Or maybe forever for that matter..... I don't wanna be involved anymore...
But my heart yearns for something from you....
At this critical situation, I just wished someone would stand out from the crowd...
And save my dying heart from dismay....
Yes.... I may sound very desparate.. But imagine yourself being abandoned....
Without the slightest clue that you've been fooled by the one you loved...
It doesn't feel good, nothing ever felt good when you feel a sense of loss....

Imagine having a pet cat which you've had for your whole life....
And one day she decided to leave, just in a blink of an eye and she's gone....
You cry teardrops of blood for her to come back....
But as the minutes, hours, days, months pass....
Your hope amazingly starts to get stronger....
You just can't believe that she's gone....
Cause for sure you know she's there....
Where? In your heart for you to keep....
She may not be there for you to hold....
She may not be there for you to love and cuddle...
But the warmth of the love that she had for you...
Will always stay in your heart no matter what...
Cause that is what love is all about....
The trust, the believe, the confidence in a person....
I can never disagree that love is weird....
Because it is weird, but in a good sense of weird....
Have you ever looked deep into ones eyes....
And see their hearts burning with passion...
Or even their touch which could easily say "i love you"...
Could you catch that messages before they are too late for you.....
"This is not good bye" she said....
But what she really means is she's leaving you forever....
Things sometimes are not what it seems....
People may tell you so much, but they can never confess that its true....

Sometimes you get caught in a very tight situation....
Where your decision will definately hurt somebody.....
No doubt, I've met someone who met with that situation...
And sadly I'm the one being hurt.....
But who is to blame? Her? Impossible...
She's so beautiful, not to mention clever....
Look at me, I can't say I look horrid.....
I can barely attract attention to myself.....
But all I have to give is my heart, never the looks....
The purest of hearts is one which is willing to sacrifice....
I mist admit, I gave my all... What wasn't enough for you?
I want to understand... But its better off left unkown......

Ku telah rindukan mu... Tanpa ragu-ragu, ku masih tanamkan harapan....
Tetapi apa yang telah berlaku padaku tidak dapat dimaafkan lagi....
Tidak boleh lagiku menafikan bahawa kaulah segalanya....
Apa yang kau mahu, kuberkikan padamu....
Itulah sebagaimana kuat cintaku padamu....
Apakan daya, kau memilih seorang jantan lain....
Dan meninggalkan ku tergamam di sini.....
Kau terfikir mengapaku berbuat begini....
Kau cuba fikirkan untuk dirimu sendiri...
Jikalau org yang kau sayangi sangat, meninggalkan mu.....
Apakah perasaan kau? Sedih dan pelih.....
Dengan hati yg amat pedih.......

Tetapi apakah yang kau hendak pedulikan....
Kau sudah jumpa gantian ku ini....
Jantan yang aku harap dapat menjagamu dengan baik.....
Ku mati-mati tidak mahu mengatakan kalimah sebergini...
Tetapi walaupun ku memnangis dengan air mata darah...
Kau tetap tak akan kembali.... Aku rela kau pergi dari sini.....
Pergi sejauh yang kau boleh lari.....
Ku hanya mahu lupakan keperitan yang telah melibatkan diriku ini.....
Inilah kalimah2 terakhir bagimu yang tersayang.....
Lupakanku.... Dan jangan sekalipun.... Toleh ke belakang.......

*Kalimah seseorang insan yang pernah dinamakan "sayang" tidak bererti apa2 lagi....*

Zupz Zupz!