Who Am I?

Dear Bloggie...

He remembers his past, memories filled with what why where and when, but still he couldn't answer this one question, who was he?

This has been bothering me quite alot especially recently...

And I mean, character and emotion wise I have a grasp of who I am...

But what am I?

I guess this is what happens when you do so much stuff till you just get confused in one ball...

This phenomenon of accumulative skills I've got over the past decade, literally...

It all started in Sec 2, I was just so curious to join a CCA, and I chosed band...

Why band? No idea at all...

So then after all the paperwork, I arrived at my first band practice...

Was introduced to the conductor, and all she said was, "Euphonium"...

Was I amazed? no. I was just confused, WHAT'S A EUPHONIUM?! CAN I EAT IT?!

Then my senior showed me the instrument, and my face....still reek of confusion...

I wasn't able to play it on the first practice, so all I could do was to hold it like a fish our of water...

Then came next practice, I was all geared up, mentally prepared to learn...

Of which I was given a mouthpiece, and I was supposed to BUZZ into the mouthpiece...

Now, what's BUZZ?

Basically it's the vibration of both your lips together creating a sound...

My senior told me that I buzzed well...

Then I was given the instrument...

So technically, Me + Mouthpiece + Instrument = Sweet sound

Well in theory yes, but as a young musician, what came out sounded like a guy who just finished eating Doritos and started farting...

Yes it was bad, but I didn't know good from bad so I continued till my senior screamed at me to stop...heh...

And that was my first encounter with the instrument that I've been very faithful to...

Ever since those days, I've performed countless of times, went for SYF and band exchanges...

Till one fine day after SYF, somehow all the Tuba players quit, there wasn't anyone in the tuba section...

My conductor talked to me, and transferred me to the Tuba section...

Obviously my heart broke, shattered into a million pieces...

Was this a joke? sadly, no.

With a heavy heart I started to learn the Tuba...

Complaining all the way about how heavy it was, how the score was epicly boring with all the big fat notes...

Slowly but surely, one day, I came round...

I didn't realise, during those practices, I actually improved my playing alot...

Till the day came and we were just afew days before our concert, my conductor told me to play the Bb...

With one heave of breath, I blew...

Magically, the tone filled with richness and emotions came out, I felt it deep inside me...

My conductor was moved...and so did I...

I actually enjoyed playing the Tuba...

Pumping out bass, filling up the air with foundation...

It was Uh-Ma-Zing...

I played for another SYF with the Tuba...

The sense of satisfaction after getting the second gold medal of my life...

Everything was perfect...

And that was my start in the music world...

Which was quite short lived after I graduated from Sec School...

I got into SP, wanted to try something new...

Joined Archery for about a year...

It was nice to try something new...

But I knew I was missing out on alot...

So I joined the band in Year 2...

I was led by amazing seniors and got exposed to a conductor who could literally cry after a piece of music...

This moved me alot...

Oh point to take note, I went back to playing the Euphonium...

Cause I simply couldn't let go of the Euphonium...

Again, I performed quite alot but this time with a better band, performing songs that I never thought I would ever perform...

It was just a nice experience...

Then I graduated from SP...

And got thrown into SCDF...

Honestly, I was kinda hoping I could get army or police since they both had bands...

But I got thrown into SCDF....

No band...

So now what?

How do I make my time in NS worthwhile...

For this we move on to the second chapter...

So at this stage, band was not an option...

I searched for something I might like in NS...

By the law of elimination, I found being a Medic the most suitable...

So I went for the interview, and I went for the medic course...

And boy, I didn't know what I got myself into...

Lots of medical terms, skills and protocols to learn...

If bio was meant to be studied for a year, mine was cramped up into 6 weeks...

Everyday we were fed with new knowledge and tested over and over...

It was tough, but interesting in some ways...

And I Passed Out as a Medic, got deployed as an Ambulance Medic...

Won't go into much detail cause that, will take forever...

Being a medic really sparked my interest in helping others...

I mean I've always helped others emotionally and listening to problems...

But this opportunity allowed me to physically help and feel a sense of satisfaction...

So I took a Specialist Diploma in Biomedical Engineering in SP...

It was super interesting to me, opened up my eyes alot...

Then after NS, I suddenly felt lost...

First time, out in the open, with nothing to do...

Did afew part time jobs here and there...

Was a full time admin officer/student relation officer for about 6 months...

And now I am a training manager...

So basically my foot has never been on stable grounds ever since I ORDed...

What makes me, me...

Been struggling with that question...

And I guess I need some time to reflect on that...

I hope I find who I truly am...

*When the tides turn, the winds of change will brush upon us, be ready*

With Love,

Taufiq.