apologising would mean nothing if you don't forgive

Dear Bloggie...

Talk to me. please?

So it's 16th September...

And by saying that...

All SP students know something and are biting their nails...

17th September is the day the results will be released...

I'm feeling kinda nervous...

But at the same time I can't quite be bothered...

So lets talk about today...

Woke up at 12.30pm...

Bathed and went out of the house...

Headed to Funan IT mall...

Got back my laptop and went home...

It's a very very very very tideous task to install ALL the software drivers again...

Such as installing the driver for WLAN, Wireless LAN...

Ok I won't really talk about the whole boring process...

After all the crap....

My laptop is once again, useable...

But my drives have been wiped clean...

So all my info I had for the past few years are all gone...

Which kinda hit me...

It's like a sign for me...

To start a new again...

I realised alot of things when I didn't have my laptop...

Had alot of time to reflect on myself...

How I impact others...

And how others impact me...

Was I ever unappreciative of the help I get?

Am I so stuck up to not even say "Thank You"?

I'm screaming my lungs out for mercy...

But my voice just wouldn't be heard...

Can you hear me? Can you feel me?

Christina, a friend who's there for me...

Just within one night, she went away...

Am I that bad of a friend?

I'm seriously confused as to who's there or who's not...

Huiyi, who I don't really talk much to...

But was there when I was down...

Does this mean true friends don't have to be there all the time...

But they are there when you need them?

Mabeline, the cheerful one who's always ok...

Is there such a thing as feeling ok all the time?

Or is it all nothing but a mask to block out your true emotions...

Why do we cover ourselves with such superficial feelings?

Is it to protect ourselves from getting hurt, or from feeling ashamed of who we really are?

Don't we ask ourselves, who are we really?

And we all assume that tomorrow will come...

But if that one day didn't come?

Have you fulfilled what you've always wanted to do?

Those who cared for you when you're alive...

How can you let them go before they tell you they love you?

I'm saying all of this, also as a reminder to myself...

Cause I know I'm not a good person...

A good person won't lose a friend within one night...

I am bad...

But I'm not gonna accept that way of life...

There's more to life then just being mediocre...

The inspiration comes not when you open your eyes...it comes when you open your heart...

Those endless emotions flowing through your blood...

It determines who you are...

And the people around you, they have the same thing....

But why.....why is it so hard to express your feelings to others....

No....

It's not cause you'll be hurt...

That's not a good enough reason...

Neither does hurting one's ego...

It's acceptance...

We all want to be accepted in societies...

We all want to be liked...

But at what cost do we have to pay to get these things...

And what happens after?

You work so hard just to get something, yet when you finally have it, you've lost your motivation...

Sure it will feel good the first few times...

But after some time, things will just fade away...

Just like how I fade away...

And it hurts me when I'm forgotten or hated...

But I'm powerless to stop anyone from doing so...

I just deserve it...

I'm not whining, nor am I asking for sympathy...

Instead, think for yourself...

How far in life have you gone from where you first started...

What have you achieved and if it actually meant anything....

I yearn for an amazing social life...

Instead, I'm back down with people hating me and stuff...

Like I said... I'm in the wrong...

And I'd say sorry till I can barely speak...

But it won't mean a thing if I'm not forgiven...

So I guess...

I'll try even harder to please others...

For...pleasing others is equivalent and pleasing myself...

But please give me a chance to know who I really am...

All I ever wanted in this world is to have happiness everywhere...=]

Gosh, it's 35 mins after my sleeping time...

And I'm supposed to be in school by 9am tomorrow morning...

Ok...

Enough reflection for one night...

I guess reflecting on oneself does cleanse one's soul...=]

I feel much better...

So take carez everyone!

And thank you, for those who see me for who I am...

Jiahui...Stacy...Fayyadh...Crystalla...Patrick...WeiLiang...Alicia...and many many many more..

Thank you. =]

*I'll be better...I know I will...*

*14 more days*

Zupz Zupz!