have I finally lost you?

Dear Bloggie...

Are you trying to abandon me?

Ok, it's 2.19AM and I'm not asleep...
Should be sleeping like afew hours ago...
Main thing is...
I slept almost the whole day yesterday...
So I'm practically awake at night...
And also, I keep thinking of alot of things...
My mind is just too messed up...
My heart feels really heavy and I get quite lonely...

This isn't one of those times where I'm strong...
It's those times where I don't really know where I am anymore...
And I start to question, again, the friends that I have...
Why do I get too emotionally involved in things?
Why can't I just be normal...
Not different from anyone else...

Why do I have to be jealous...
Why can't it be me?!
What is wrong with me???
I put my trust in someone of which I took the risk of falling in love...
Now it has been proven that the risk I took was too much for me to handle...
But it felt so, so, so right...
Now reality smacks me in face, again, to tell me it was a wrong move to make...

Why do I feel so pathetic...
Sheesh...
I need to wake up....
Can someone slap me senseless?
Till it reaches my brain?
Somehow I wish my heart would stop beating so strongly...
When I think of her and him....
Call me jealous, cause I think I am...
I've given my best, all my heart...
All just to be thrown aside when someone new comes along...
Am I just a substitute?

Questions running through my head,
Of all the things she said,
Would it be too soon or will I be late,
Maybe I'm as insignificant as I am dead.

We used to be an unbreakable pair,
Now you left me in such a dispair,
Treated like some kind of spare,
Even though I treated you like someone rare.

It pains me knowing that you went out with him,
It pains me worse when I down on one limb,
Why can't you see that I'm better then him,
Is it something wrong with me, or am I just a whimp?

Even though all this while I've been so true,
You kept alot from me, didn't you?
Just like skeletons in the closet, coming out of the blue,
Have I finally lost you?

*You mean everything to me...but now...*

Zupz Zupz!